As a survivor in South Africa of both sexual child abuse and rape, my path to recovery began ten years ago and continues even to this day. I have been fortunate that I have had access to therapy, the support of my wife and children, as well as the brotherhood of fellow survivors and healers when I attended two workshops in Scarborough, UK. The workshops; “Victims no Longer” and “Heal the Healers” were facilitated by renowned author and psychotherapist Mike Lew. Even though there have been tremendous changes in South Africa in the last twenty years, unfortunately there is very little available for men who have been sexually abused and I had to travel 9062 km (5631 miles) to participate in these workshops.
It has always been one of my goals to climb Kilimanjaro but I never knew what my purpose was before I paid a visit to Scarborough. There I met men who had lived through the same horrors that I had experienced. As I listened to their stories I felt like my story was being told by someone else. Although circumstances were different amongst us there was a common thread – we were all in pursuit of the golden thread that would mend our lives. I also had the opportunity to briefly meet a young man who I would like to refer to as “my hero” who had the courage to face his abuse head on, by revealing the abuse to his parents and abandoning the shame and embarrassment.
Whilst in Scarborough it became much clearer to me – here was my purpose to conquer Kilimanjaro. I would climb in support of these people that had touched my life in a healing and comforting way, allowing me to be me again, and then also in support of male victims who are not yet survivors. This mission will be the first project of the organisation “South African MALE SURVIVORS Of Sexual Abuse”.
Our group consisted of three climbers; myself, my younger sister and a friend. At this point I would like to extend my absolute gratitude to my sister, Traci for all her encouragement through our months of training and her attention to detail in the planning stages. Thanks Traci, I could not have done it without you.
Mount Kilimanjaro, capped by glaciers and frequently fringed by clouds, is one of Africa’s classic images. At 5895 metres/19340 feet above sea level, it is the highest mountain in Africa, the highest walk-able summit in the world and the highest stand alone mountain in the world. The diameter of its base is an incredible 40 miles. Kilimanjaro is a dormant, but non extinct volcano. Although just 3˚ south of the Equator, the peaks of both Kibo and Mawenzi have permanent caps of snow and ice.
Your efforts are much appreciated.
Thank you
Rees, I don’t need a pseudonym to interact on your blog. First of all, let me tell you that you are my hero!! For all the years that I did not know about your terrible secret, I have admired you for what you have achieved in your life. Now that i know about your past, I am more in awe of you.
And the fact that you conquered Kili is quite astounding!!
acheived o
Zena friendships have helped with the healing process, knowing that people care means so much. The response I got from you when I told you about the abuse and rape just before I left for Kilimanjaro meant so much to me. The secrets I kept from everybody gave my abusers a hold on me, telling people liberated me.
Like I jotted on the CAI website, thank you for sharing and the willingness to help others.
Thanks. What does the CAI do? Please send me the link.
Hi there,
You commented on an article I wrote about Male sexual violence and how they should speak out. CAI is Consultancy African Intelligence. Here is the link of the article – http://www.consultancyafrica.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=808:male-sexual-violence-part-i-the-need-to-speak-out&catid=59:gender-issues-discussion-papers&Itemid=267
Kind regards,
Finally another male not afraid of breaking their silence. Thanks for stepping forward. We need to talk.
It took a long time to get to this point. I hope this blog will help other male survivors. Next week I hope to have the “South African Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse” webpage up ad running. We need to get the message, help and resources to MS in Africa.
You are so brave. You inspire me to get outside my comfort zone, realize my dreams, and advocate for male survivors. I never thought that climbing a mountain could be an advocacy project, but the symbolism – and the effort – staggers the sense. What was done to us may have destroyed a part of our life, but it doesn’t have to destroy our whole life. We can be victorious. It’s up to us. Thanks, man, you really inspire me.
Wow, your response has motivated me and made writing this blog worthwhile. We are victorious, we are survivors. The climb emancipated me from my abusers hold.
Yap! you have done something special in our societies,i now follow your lead!
Samson, without your help I would not have made it to the top. You are an amazing person and a gifted guide. Thanks for making this project a success.
You are inspirational Rees !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wendy (Scarborough. Heal the Healers)
Wendy
Thank you. Scarborough was a turning point for me. I’m finishing my counsellor training at the end of December. The webpage has just gone live. http://www.samsosa.org
You are truly an inspiration Rees. I’ve been in a dark place for so long, your words and advise, what you’ve accomplished.. really offers new hope. Thanks for everything you are doing, we really need more people like you in this world, especially South Africa.